Dave BarryAll these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, … ▶372HumanityReading
Dave BarryIn the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it Christmas and went to church; the Jews called it Hanukka and went to synagogue; the atheists went t… ▶361Humanity
Dave BarryMother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the patty group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods that have had all of their organs safely r… ▶361Reading
Dave BarryThe porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.362Humor
Dave BarryThe one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.373Humanity
Dave BarryLife is anything that dies when you stomp on it.351DeathLife
Dave BarryLove and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid352Love
Dave BarryI haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.363Time
Dave BarryHeadbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, a… ▶352HumanityReading
Dave BarryAnd so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West. ✨ Dave Barry (2010… ▶341PoliticsReading
Dave BarryDemocracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.363Truth
Dave BarryEntire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at… ▶363ReadingTime
Dave BarryCrabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons. ✨ Dave Barry (2001). All the Dave Barry you… ▶342HumorReading
Dave BarryLeonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality. “You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?” “Yes,” said Leonard. “It was very graciou… ▶364Humor
Dave BarryThe Mollusks—generous hosts when they weren’t trying to kill you.342Time
Dave BarryI can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. <… ▶364Humanity
Dave BarryMost of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your… ▶353Politics
Dave BarryThe Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.331Reflection
Dave BarryI regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look … ▶342HumanityReading
Dave BarryImagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The male half of the population will be nothing but … ▶354HumanityThoughtTruth
Dave BarryI was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.376Reading
Dave BarryPerhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.' Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have… ▶343Thought
Dave BarryThe voice belonged to Mr. Pzyrbovich, an algebra teacher who was always called Mr. P, for obvious reasons. He has a heavy accent, which a lot of kids said made him hard to underst… ▶354Humanity
Dave BarryDo not put this product in a big vat and drop rats into it from a cat-walk.376Truth
Dave BarryThere shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia. ✨ Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway.… ▶332HumanityReading
Dave BarryBecause of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]....If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body wo… ▶376Life
Dave BarryNever trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these indust… ▶321Reading
Dave BarryYour hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain. ✨ Dave Barry (2011). Dave Barry Is Not Taking … ▶354ReadingThought
Dave BarryThe real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.321Reading
Dave BarryThe information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. ✨ Dave Barry (2009). Dave Barr… ▶343Reading
