Paula PoundstoneI don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.332Truth
Paula PoundstoneI don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. ✨ On Location: Women of the Night. Comedy, 1987.343Humor
Paula PoundstoneThe truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. ✨ Richard Lewis, Julie Halston, Paula Poundstone and More Set for August Comedy Nig… ▶322HumorTruth
Paula PoundstoneI don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of… ▶378HumorTime
Paula PoundstoneI've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.3710Love
Paula PoundstoneWhen we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.327Humanity
Paula PoundstoneI did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do tha… ▶3410Humor
Paula PoundstoneI'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it.273Life
Paula PoundstoneI'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. ✨ Thanksgiving Is Not Just for Leftovers by Paula Poundstone, November 26, 2008.284Humor
Paula PoundstoneI'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California. ✨ Thanksgiving Is Not Just for Leftovers by Pa… ▶307Reflection
Paula PoundstoneI was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.242Humanity
Paula PoundstoneI used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.3210Thought
Paula PoundstoneIt is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear whi… ▶242DeathThought
Paula PoundstoneWhen every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out. ✨ Celebrate B… ▶276Time
Paula PoundstoneThe wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.255DeathTime
Paula PoundstoneI have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility. ✨ Paula Poundstone: Look What the Cat Dragged In. TV Movie, November 7, 2006.201Thought
Paula PoundstoneIt's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for fr… ▶257HumorThoughtTruth
Paula PoundstoneI know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.257Reading
Paula PoundstoneI’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep on a Saturday morning with a big smile saying ‘… ▶257Reading
Paula PoundstoneWhen a woman extends her hand for you to shake it, then you shake her hand. You do not turn it up and kiss it. And it is just so creepy. Because, you know, I handed it at this ang… ▶203PoliticsTime
Paula PoundstoneI think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.237Thought
Paula PoundstoneI was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I alwa… ▶194Reflection
Paula PoundstoneI was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by… ▶131Thought
Paula PoundstoneOnce I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.164Philosophy
Paula PoundstoneAdults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas199Thought
Paula PoundstoneWhen we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. ✨ Celebrate Bad Times, Come On! by Paula Pound… ▶155Time
Paula PoundstoneThere are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.144Sadness
Paula PoundstoneI only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.146Life
Paula PoundstoneI don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess. ✨ O… ▶168Thought
Paula PoundstoneI love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.1710DeathLove
