Gilbert GottfriedI just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.” ✨ Gilbert Gottfried Fired As Aflac Duck After Japanese Ts… ▶373Hope
Gilbert GottfriedWhat do Japanese Jews love to eat? Hebrew National Tsunami.322Love
Gilbert GottfriedA lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. ✨ Gottfried's… ▶377HumanityHumorPolitics
Gilbert GottfriedWhen you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters. ✨ Jonathan Winters was mad brillia… ▶311Hope
Gilbert GottfriedMy family originally lived in Brooklyn. Our first apartment was a little place above my father and uncle's hardware store in Coney Island. Now, don't get the impression that we we… ▶346Sadness
Gilbert GottfriedI guess if they ever do a remake of 'Sophie's Choice,' I could play the Meryl Streep part. I've got to work on my Polish accent. Maybe I'll be the definitive King Lear one day. Yo… ▶302Reading
Gilbert GottfriedAny misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.291Humor
Gilbert GottfriedThe pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.335Humor
Gilbert GottfriedI used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignif… ▶314HumorTime
Gilbert GottfriedI remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were … ▶325Time
Gilbert GottfriedI can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.336Sadness
Gilbert GottfriedYou never know what people will choose to be offended by. ✨ Biography/Personal Quotes. www.imdb.com.316Humanity
Gilbert GottfriedYou know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.295Philosophy
Gilbert GottfriedI've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.318Time
Gilbert GottfriedI wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.263Thought
Gilbert GottfriedIf the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.285Death
Gilbert GottfriedReality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.3210Truth
Gilbert GottfriedI'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.3210Politics
Gilbert GottfriedI would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.297Humor
Gilbert GottfriedUnfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.232Sadness
Gilbert GottfriedA landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The pe… ▶288Humanity
Gilbert GottfriedThere are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!244HumorThought
Gilbert GottfriedThere definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.267Truth
Gilbert GottfriedI understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive. ✨ Gilbert Gottfried revels in being 'unsexiest’ by Paige … ▶212Reading
Gilbert GottfriedJapan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them. ✨ 50 Cent, Gilbert Gottfried Mock Japan's Earthquake Victims on Twitter. www.foxnews.com.… ▶212Reflection
Gilbert GottfriedI always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there… ▶191Death
Gilbert GottfriedI changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny. ✨ Interview with John DeBellis, www.huffingtonpost.com. February 28, 2009.235Humor
Gilbert GottfriedI'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckin… ▶2710Humanity
Gilbert GottfriedI'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.2710Hope
Gilbert GottfriedIf I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'204Humor
