George CarlinA pear is a failed apple. ✨ George Carlin (2002). Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion371Sadness
George CarlinOne of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I … ▶371Thought
George CarlinThe older you get, the better you realize you were.371Truth
George CarlinScratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.361Thought
George CarlinI think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ✨ Biography/Personal Quotes. www.imdb.com.372Thought
George CarlinWeather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.361Reading
George CarlinWell, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? ✨ George Carlin: Doin' It Again, www.imdb.com. 1990.361Truth
George CarlinThey say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.373Reading
George CarlinThe planet isn't going anywhere. We are. ✨ George Carlin: Jammin' in New York. TV Special, www.imdb.com. 1992.362Humor
George CarlinNever let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.373Thought
George CarlinIf everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world wou… ▶341Time
George CarlinI use the word 'fat'. I use that word because that's what people are: they're fat. They're not bulky; they're not large, chunky, hefty or plump. And they're not big-boned. Dinosau… ▶341Humanity
George CarlinYou BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.341Hope
George CarlinThere's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better. Don't look for it. Be happy with what you've got, … ▶352HumorLifePolitics
George CarlinI find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe … ▶364Humor
George CarlinThe best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.342Life
George CarlinThink of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.375Thought
George CarlinI hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.375Sadness
George CarlinIf the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.364Humor
George CarlinMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ✨ George Carlin (2015). 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Dropping… ▶331HumanityThought
George CarlinLooking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, Get this asshole outta here! ✨ George Carlin (2002). Napalm & Silly… ▶321Life
George CarlinMarry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.376Politics
George CarlinIf Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?365Thought
George CarlinBaseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror. ✨ George Carlin (1998). Brain Droppings, Hyperion365Thought
George CarlinThere's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.354LoveTime
George CarlinThe only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music. ✨ George Carlin (1998). Brain Droppings, Hyperion332Thought
George CarlinThere will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!376Love
George CarlinWe've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.321Life
George CarlinLife is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.321LifeTime
George CarlinYou don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus’s, do you? No, you don’t see them adopting a whole lot … ▶321Life
