Joan RiversSomething terrific will come no matter how dark the present. ✨ 11 Things Joan Rivers Taught Us About Life by Erin Weinger, www.hollywoodreporter.com. September 4, 2014.371LifeTime
Joan RiversThat baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.371Philosophy
Joan RiversMy earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller. ✨ Joan Rivers (2012). I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me, p.13, Penguin371Humanity
Joan RiversMy best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ✨ Biography/Personal Quotes. www.imdb.com.361Sadness
Joan RiversYou know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.361Reflection
Joan RiversMy obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash. ✨ Funny Ladies… ▶373DeathHumorReading
Joan RiversAnd since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squi… ▶374Truth
Joan RiversI succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. ✨ Funny Ladies by B. Adler, (p. 272), 2001.341DeathHumorThought
Joan RiversLife is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough. ✨ 11 Things Joan Rivers Taught Us About Life by Erin Weinger, www.hollywoodreporter.com. September 4, 2014.331HumorLife
Joan RiversWhy should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?364Life
Joan RiversI have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are. ✨ 11 Things Joan Rivers Taught Us About Life by Erin Weinger, www.hollywoodreporter.com. September 4, 2014.364HumanityLife
Joan RiversI told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'375Politics
Joan RiversDon't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.364Thought
Joan RiversMy breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. ✨ 25 of Joan Rivers' best jokes, www.cnn.com. September 5, 2014.364HumorTime
Joan RiversI can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.353Philosophy
Joan RiversMy mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.364Humor
Joan RiversOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell. ✨ Can we talk? by Linda Koehler, www.tnonline.com. September 13, 2014.342Death
Joan RiversThe last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.321Time
Joan RiversI enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. ✨ Joan Rivers Hates You, Herself And Everyone Else. Fresh Ai… ▶332Life
Joan RiversThe fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.322Sadness
Joan RiversWhy should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker? ✨ Finding The Summer Movies That Are (Well) Off The Beaten Path. All Things … ▶312Reflection
Joan RiversI have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage. ✨ Interview with Sam Adams, film.avclub.com. June 09, 2010.<… ▶345Politics
Joan RiversI have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.356Time
Joan RiversTrust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. ✨ Joan Rivers obituary by Michael Carlson, www.theguardian.com. September 04, 2014.301Reading
Joan RiversLife goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.323HumorLife
Joan RiversNo more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.302Humanity
Joan RiversI was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, we don't believe it.313Love
Joan RiversI'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.357Politics
Joan RiversI wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.346Death
Joan RiversGrandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink? It's like talking to a supermodel. ✨ Thanks for the Laughs, Joan River… ▶291HumorTime
