David SedarisIt's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters. ✨ David Sedaris (2000). Me talk pretty one day371Life
David SedarisPeople are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American. ✨ David Sedaris (2000). Me talk pretty one day372Humanity
David SedarisI guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books. ✨ Interview with The New York Times, www.nytimes.com. April 12, 2012… ▶372ReadingTime
David SedarisI always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. ✨ A life in writing: David Sedaris by Hadley Freeman, www.theguardian.com. October 11, 2010.362HumanityLifeThought
David SedarisI see you that have a little swimming mouse373Time
David SedarisA week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instea… ▶374Death
David SedarisA good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit. ✨ David Sedaris (2010). Children Playing Before a Statue … ▶374Sadness
David SedarisI started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.341Reading
David SedarisI sometimes read books on my iPad.341ReadingTime
David SedarisAfter a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these … ▶363HumanityPoliticsSadness
David SedarisI can't promise I'll never kill anyone again, he once said, strapping a refrigerator to his back. It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters363Life
David SedarisEvery day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sh… ▶341PoliticsTruth
David SedarisFor as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that resemble disfigured celebrities, and most of all, he saves food. Cherry tomatoes, s… ▶342Humanity
David SedarisI hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot of grief, but I'm pretty sure that after high school, this gir… ▶332HumanitySadness
David SedarisThey were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity. ✨ Davi… ▶354Humanity
David SedarisLike all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character. ✨ David Sedaris (2000). Me talk pretty one day344Hope
David SedarisIn Paris you're always surrounded by French people.355Humanity
David SedarisUp close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporaril… ▶322Politics
David SedarisThe rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate. ✨ David Sedaris (2000). Me talk pretty one day355Truth
David SedarisI like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.311Reading
David SedarisEinstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said, is it crazier to repeatedly throw yourself against a window, or to … ▶344Reflection
David SedarisIn the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, Cut the cake and lie facedown … ▶366Reading
David SedarisOh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.366Time
David SedarisThe Korean man nodded, the way you do when you’re a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence. ✨ Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. Book by David S… ▶345Reading
David SedarisI spent months searching for some secret code before I realized that common sense has nothing to do with it. Hysteria, psychosis, torture, depression: I was told that if something… ▶356Humor
David SedarisAt the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few tre… ▶357Philosophy
David SedarisBoys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat. ✨ David Sedaris (2010). Dress Your Family In Corduroy An… ▶379Death
David SedarisIn order to get the things I want, it helps me to pretend I’m a figure in a daytime drama, a schemer. Soap opera characters make emphatic pronouncements. They ball up their fists … ▶324PoliticsTime
David SedarisAll of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints. ✨ Da… ▶324Truth
David SedarisAnyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on the door of some seemingly ordinary home or office. The door opens, and the perso… ▶368Hope
