People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.
More Author Quotes
- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realize β¦ βΆ
- I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
- My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. β¨ If you enjoyed those 'Peter Kay' one-liners in your inbox, they wer β¦ βΆ
- My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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