A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and…

Dave Barry
358 citations
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
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The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you. ✨ Dave Barry (2011). Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Dow … ▶
Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America.
Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in … ▶
But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land. (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)
The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get … ▶

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