Zach GalifianakisI dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. ✨ Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion. Documentary, Comedy, 2006.372Humor
Zach GalifianakisI think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. ✨ The Funniest TV Shows According to Paul Rudd, Tracy Morgan, and Zach G. GQ Interview, uproxx.com. J… ▶376HumorThought
Zach GalifianakisI tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.377Thought
Zach GalifianakisWe talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk pol… ▶334Politics
Zach GalifianakisI kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.323Humor
Zach GalifianakisI think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.323Thought
Zach GalifianakisI wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'302Reading
Zach GalifianakisI've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food291Love
Zach GalifianakisI call my balls the bush twins. ✨ Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion. Documentary, Comedy, 2006.346Humor
Zach GalifianakisI like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. ✨ Saturday Night Live, March 06, 2010.369Death
Zach GalifianakisI'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'369Thought
Zach GalifianakisMy New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.339Thought
Zach GalifianakisActually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person. ✨ Zach Galifianakis: A Comedic Actor Takes A Dark Turn.… ▶296Humanity
Zach GalifianakisI would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.252Love
Zach GalifianakisWhen I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.285HumanityHumorThought
Zach GalifianakisI used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the mor… ▶275Time
Zach GalifianakisI live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss … ▶275Reading
Zach GalifianakisIf you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles. ✨ Saturday Night Live, March 06, 2010.242Reading
Zach GalifianakisI was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.287Thought
Zach GalifianakisMy name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis. ✨ Stand-Up Live at th… ▶2910Hope
Zach GalifianakisInappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.245Humor
Zach GalifianakisMy girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.2910Truth
Zach GalifianakisI have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and… ▶238Humanity
Zach GalifianakisMy headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.2410Love
Zach GalifianakisPeople are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. ✨ Biography / Personal Quotes. www.imdb.com.218Humanity
Zach GalifianakisI dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. ✨ Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion. Documentary, Comedy, 2006.229Humor
Zach GalifianakisI don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.174Reading
Zach GalifianakisI like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!'2210HumanityReading
Zach GalifianakisI once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.175Love
Zach GalifianakisI would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.175Humanity
