Elayne BooslerI deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.372HumanityPoliticsThought
Elayne BooslerEver notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?374Life
Elayne BooslerA man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.374Love
Elayne BooslerI can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.331Humanity
Elayne BooslerMy brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.343Thought
Elayne BooslerIt doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast … ▶332Truth
Elayne BooslerPigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.365Reading
Elayne BooslerWouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly b… ▶322Truth
Elayne BooslerHorse racing is waning in popularity. ✨ Mr. Ed, It’s What’s for Dinner by Elayne Boosler, www.huffingtonpost.com. December 1, 2011.356Truth
Elayne BooslerThere's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.324Life
Elayne BooslerI personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly ki… ▶281Time
Elayne BooslerI am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other. ✨ Top 5 Things I’m Thankful for by Elay… ▶369Humanity
Elayne BooslerI'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.358Hope
Elayne BooslerThere are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.282Life
Elayne BooslerI've never been able to write for stand-up.315Truth
Elayne BooslerI have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble. ✨ Occupy Wall Stree… ▶3510Love
Elayne BooslerThe message of great art is to disturb.283Truth
Elayne BooslerI have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.' ✨ Occupy Wall Street — and… ▶316Time
Elayne BooslerI guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.261Humanity
Elayne BooslerWouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?294Time
Elayne BooslerAs a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year. ✨ Elayne Boosler Maps Comedy Heaven And Hell On New … ▶317HumorLife
Elayne BooslerPeople are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.263Humanity
Elayne BooslerFor me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.241HumanityHumor
Elayne BooslerYou never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.285Humanity
Elayne BooslerSometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help. ✨ Yuo Cant Take Away My Gun Rites, Idiott by Elayne Boosler, www.hu… ▶263ReadingTime
Elayne BooslerThe thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again.231Time
Elayne BooslerHere is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two. ✨ Occupy Wall Street — and What Charles … ▶264Humor
Elayne BooslerI have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.3210Hope
Elayne BooslerYou know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.211Love
Elayne BooslerMy belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer… ▶3010Thought
