Craig BenzineThe good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.371Life
Craig BenzineAlways go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.361Life
Craig BenzinePeople alive are better than people not alive.356HumanityLife
Craig BenzineDuring a heat wave every dude stinks.346Love
Craig BenzineDont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.325Death
Craig BenzineOptions are good. Keeps people choosing.292Humanity
Craig BenzineDon’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.281Time
Craig BenzineBe cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.369Time
Craig BenzineBased on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.304Life
Craig BenzineBlanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!252Politics
Craig BenzineThe only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!307DeathLife
Craig BenzineNothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.298Truth
Craig BenzineThings that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.277Philosophy
Craig BenzineAt one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.256Time
Craig BenzineIf you're gonna lob something, lob love.257Love
Craig BenzineIt's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.213Life
Craig BenzineBird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.259Time
Craig BenzineI would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.172Time
Craig BenzineIt's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.206Truth
Craig BenzineI love it when the coffee's done!217Love
Craig BenzineAre imperfections is which make we grate.184Humanity
Craig BenzineFailure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.163Time
Craig BenzineVisiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!133Death
Craig BenzineI'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.188Truth
Craig BenzineThe grass is always greener when it's covered in money.1910Death
Craig BenzineCars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.147Humor
Craig BenzineNever put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.1510Love
