Conan O'BrienYou know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.361HumanityLoveSadness
Conan O'BrienOver-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet.363Thought
Conan O'BrienIt is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. ✨ Conan O'Brien's Commencement Address at Dartmouth College in Hano… ▶374Thought
Conan O'BrienBarack Obama was speaking to a Jewish group, and he told them that his name Barack is the same as the Jewish word 'baruch,' which means one who's blessed. That's what he said, yea… ▶341Time
Conan O'BrienEarlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to … ▶342Reflection
Conan O'BrienThe beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality. ✨ 10 of Hollywood's Most Memorable Commencement … ▶375Truth
Conan O'BrienNietzsche famously said Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you. ✨ Conan O'Brien's Commencement Addr… ▶353Life
Conan O'BrienGeorge Clooney says he's had sex with too many women to ever run for office. He was immediately made Prime Minister of Italy.342Hope
Conan O'BrienAll I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t l… ▶332HumanityLifeThought
Conan O'BrienOne's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak… ▶365Humor
Conan O'BrienThe British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier to remember, whenever they brush their teeth.365Politics
Conan O'BrienIn the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network.332ReadingThoughtTruth
Conan O'BrienFormer President George W. Bush has hired a man to lead his presidential think tank in Dallas. The man was hired because he was the only candidate who could say the words, 'George… ▶365Thought
Conan O'BrienWork hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen. ✨ Conan O'Brien's Commencement Address at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire, www.dartmouth.edu. June … ▶344Humor
Conan O'BrienIn Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first… ▶344HopeReadingTime
Conan O'BrienA new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there.311Humor
Conan O'BrienMusic and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised … ▶333Humor
Conan O'BrienPamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Ch… ▶312Politics
Conan O'BrienWhen all else fails there's always delusion.323Time
Conan O'BrienThe New Oxford Dictionary has declared Sarah Palin's word 'refudiate' to be the 2010 Word of the Year. Palin was honored and said she would do her best to 'dismangle' the English … ▶345Hope
Conan O'BrienThe hockey lockout of 1994 - 1995 has been settled. They have stopped bickering... and can now get down to some serious bloodshed!345Philosophy
Conan O'BrienBy the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss the groom.345LifePolitics
Conan O'BrienYesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever… ▶291Time
Conan O'BrienCBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'368Sadness
Conan O'BrienToday, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have been jailed since March. Isn't that… ▶368Thought
Conan O'BrienCNN’s Rick Sanchez said the Jews run CNN. Ah, so that’s who we blame for Rick Sanchez. ✨ Twitter post from Oct 02, 2010324Love
Conan O'BrienA comic book publisher says he's trying to increase voter turnout in the presidential election by publishing comic books about John McCain and Barack Obama. Yeah, the publisher sa… ▶357ReadingTime
Conan O'BrienAccording to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percen… ▶3710PoliticsReading
Conan O'BrienThere are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. ✨ Commencement Address at Dartmouth College, 2011.358Life
Conan O'BrienArnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last year, but they were… ▶358Sadness
