Bob MonkhousePersonally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? ✨ They're not laughing now. www.theguardia… ▶372HumorLifeThought
Bob MonkhouseThey all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.376Humor
Bob MonkhouseGrowing old is compulsory - growing up is optional. ✨ Biography/Personal Quotes. www.imdb.com.377Death
Bob MonkhouseMy mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh. ✨ They're not laughing now. www.theguardian.com. … ▶325HumorThought
Bob MonkhouseWhat do gardeners do when they retire?315Reading
Bob MonkhouseI came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!3410Life
Bob MonkhouseI'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. ✨ They're not laughing now ..., www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.262HumorTime
Bob MonkhouseMy father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.232Life
Bob MonkhouseI'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. ✨ They're not laughing now. www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.278HopeHumorLove
Bob MonkhouseI can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance. ✨ They're not laughing now. www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.234Humor
Bob MonkhouseMy wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.' ✨ They're not laughing now… ▶202HumorReading
Bob MonkhouseSilence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted. ✨ Bob Monkhouse (1991). The complete speaker's handbook235Reading
Bob MonkhouseWith my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.237Time
Bob MonkhouseI got my start in silent radio.198Life
Bob MonkhouseIt got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.166Reading
Bob MonkhouseMarriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.199Love
Bob MonkhouseI got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.135Thought
Bob MonkhouseWhen the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to? ✨ They're not laughing now. www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.157Humor
